I am..

I’ve been having a bit of a ‘where do I fit in’ crisis lately.  The world seems to be passing me by while I am here in my rut, watching it all pass.  I’m living just below the surface, not happy, not sad, just a seemingly never ending state of listlessness.  I need to scrape back the noise, get back to basics and realise who I am.

I am…more than my mental illness.  I have Depression and Borderline, they do not define me as a person.

I am…a mother who is doing her best.  I might not live up to the text book version of what I *should* be doing, but my child is happy and healthy and that is all that matters.

I am…more than my physical appearance.  How I present myself to the world does not dictate who I am or how I should act.  I am free to be myself, regardless of my appearance.

I am…a good friend.  Maybe I don’t catch up as often as I should, or keep in contact as much as I should but I care deeply for the people that I love.  I may be awkward in my communication but please know that you are on my mind often.

I am…doing ok, all things considered.  It’s so easy for me to feel like the world is falling down around me, but I am 20 steps ahead of where I was 6 years ago.

I am…my own advocate.  One of the upsides of having less than stellar psychiatric treatment at times is that I have learned to be my own advocate.  I have learned that no one else is going to speak up for me, that only I know what is best for my own health.  I know that there are professionals out there who do care, who do see me as more than a diagnosis.

I am…doing good things for the reduction of stigma.  I enjoy receiving messages from you, my readers.  I love that you feel comfortable enough to share your experiences in the space here.  I hope that I can continue to educate and create a community of mutual sharing.

I am…a kick arse person.  I may not be everyone’s flavour and that is ok because that’s part of life.  The fun part about life is finding our tribe, the people who know all about our quirks and accept them warts and all.

What are the parts that make you, you?

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21 thoughts on “I am..

  1. Emma Fahy Davis

    And now I shall spend the rest of the day singing ‘I am whatever you say I am, if I wasn’t then why would I say I am…’
    Great post, keep being who you are, your authentic voice is what makes you you.

    Reply
  2. Bec @ The Plumbette

    Tegan you are so many things and more. Sometimes how we feel and our circumstances can bring us down but I love all your affirmative I Am statements and I could add a few more. Your blog is just an amazing success where you have taught people like me about depression and mental illness and it is a place for those that suffer from these to feel acknowledged and understood. Don’t underestimate your positive influence in your immediate world and online. Hope you have a great Tuesday. x 🙂

    Reply
  3. Deb - An Inspirational Journey

    This is so awesome. It’s really easy to get swept up in other’s expectations of what we should be. Lots of positive attributes here. Excellent!

    Reply
  4. ann

    You are you, you are right!! We are all different and that is a good thing. Quite frankly being “normal”would be boring.

    Reply
  5. Kathy

    Good on your for writing such an affirming post. I think you have done a lot of good for awareness of mental illness. I also think you should feel to write about whatever you want, because insights on mental illness are just some of the insights you can offer on life in your musings.

    Reply
  6. Mystery Case

    I think with any illness, mental or otherwise, it’s hard to not let it define you and I find it interesting how you’ve ordered your I am list. I think you need to start with I am a kick arse person!

    Reply
  7. EssentiallyJess

    Sorry to hear your struggling a bit at the moment. A lack of direction is I think one of the most frustrating things ever.
    I love how you have said that you are your biggest advocate, but your not just yours. You’re an advocate for so many others, because you continue to push back the stigma of mental illness. I know I’m a better person for ‘knowing’ you.
    xx

    Reply
  8. Aroha @ Colours of Sunset

    I can so relate to this post. I seriously feel like the world is passing me by at a rapid rate. I have been a few “celebrities” lately and I wonder “What makes them so different to me?” They seem extraordinary, and I pale in comparison. Comparison sucks big hairy donkey balls. :-/ Some days, like today, it seems there’s not enough wine in the world to make anything better! But you are right – you are a kick arse person. You ARE more than your illness, and you’re a wonderful mother. x

    Reply
  9. Rachel

    You are all of those things and much, MUCH more. You are also kind, loyal, creative, brave, determined and funny. You have my admiration and my friendship (even though I’m also not great with keeping in touch). You do a great job managing everything you have on your plate. Go Teeg – you are ALL the awesome xx

    Reply
  10. Lisa Barton-Collins

    You are lovey inside and out. I agree with all of the points you have raised, but especially being an advocate for your own health. You cannot rely on anyone else to always do the exact right thing for you.
    You keep on being awesome, and if no one notices then fuck em.
    xxx

    Reply
  11. SarahD @SnippetsandSpirits

    Oh Tegan you are doing an amazing job. Dont even worry about what you should be doing as a mother. He is loved and cared for. You are doing an incredible job with this blog and speaking out loud about stuff that nobody talks about and I feel like shouting that sentence. !!! Nobody is everybody’s flavour it is up to us to make peace with that it is better than being a pleaser. You are your own advocate and that is so important when it comes to dealing with health professionals. However I will say it is so much easier when you have a good support network around you to prop you up when you need it. xxx

    Reply
  12. Angela

    I really like this post. Each I am statement comes across strong and I believe them and I believe in you. I read and relate some of them, but I just can’t feel them for me. What am I? At the moment, while typing this, I am empty. Maybe I just need to go to bed. I know I am a mum doing my best, but right now I don’t even believe in those words. I too am feeling the world pass me by, and although my head is above water and I don’t feel like I am drowning, there is definitely something holding me back right now and I think I need to sort it out. I haven’t had the chance to read your blog lately and am just catching up now. You are always thought provoking and sometimes make me think of things I am trying to avoid (that I really shouldn’t be). I’ve even been trying to keep away from the internet, perhaps I am isolating myself. Perhaps I need to stand up and do the opposite. Thanks for the ear. I miss you, and you are a great friend 🙂 xo

    Reply

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