I’m a superstitious person, mostly. I also try to fight my superstitious thoughts with logic. Logic is never changing, logic is comforting. I turn to logic when nothing seems to make sense. Superstition however rules a lot of my life, as much as it pains me to say so.
I’m a firm believer in Murphy’s Law. I don’t comment on the run of green lights until we are through because I have this deep seeded belief that if I do, the luck will run out. It doesn’t seem very logical does it? I even feel silly for writing this down, admitting that I run my life on a series of rules that make no sense.
I don’t like to comment on how good Mr 4 has been because I feel it will be followed by some of his worst behaviour that I have encountered. I try not to tell people when he is sleeping well, because then he won’t be. I *know* that this sounds paranoid, I just can’t seem to shake the feeling that what I say has an input on how things turn out.
Having Borderline Personality Disorder means that sometimes my thoughts can be very black and white. I work hard to see the grey area and mostly manage to fake it until I make it. Maybe the Borderline has something to do with the thoughts that are skewed towards superstition. Maybe they aren’t. I don’t know. I do know that my needing to be either logical or not is influenced by the Borderline. I struggle to see how there is an in between.
I don’t like having rules that dictate my day, my words and my actions. I struggle to put the thoughts out of my mind, to remind myself that they are nothing more than silly rules. I *know* that nothing will happen if I don’t adhere to them, but the what ifs sometimes scream louder than my logical mind.
Some days the superstitions take over. I feel paralysed with the fear. I don’t want to talk out of turn, to get excited about something before it happens. I try to let life just happen but it’s scary and unpredictable.
Do you have superstitions? Do you find yourself frozen by them?
Linking up with My Home Truths for I must confess