Depression makes time stand still. The hours run into each other, making it seem like an endless day. Laying in bed, staring at the ceiling makes the hours go on forever. The only sign that the day is over is the fading of the sun. The days blur, each one appearing the same. The date doesn’t matter. There is no end.
The first step out of bed hurts. The time tells you that you have been there for hours, days, weeks. Your hair is matted to your head. You have been wearing the same clothes for a week. The days run into one another, you see no point in leaving the sanctuary you have created inside your bed. Time stands still, while life rushes by.
You stare at yourself in the mirror. You don’t recognise the face looking back at you. Where did those lines come from? Where is your once beautiful hair? Why is your skin so grey? These are the trademarks of time standing still. This is what happens when life revolves around pillows, blankets and sleep. This is what happens when the Black Dog takes hold and refuses to let go. This is what happens when the depression envelopes you.
The fridge is bare. The cupboard is no better. Your stomach doesn’t rumble anymore, food is too much effort. Time is standing still, life is passing you by.
You leave the house, put in an appearance. The sun burns your eyes. The noise grates on you. The sensations feel like you’ve walked outside without your skin. The people talking to you seem like a hindrance. You want to go back to bed, so the cocoon you have created. The safe, warm cocoon, where no one can get in. You stand and watch the people hurry past. Time is standing still, life is passing you by.
Depression is lonely, it steals time. Depression makes you feel that nothing can ever get better. It makes it feel that the light at the end of the tunnel doesn’t exist. Depression makes time stand still, while life passes you by.
Linking up with Kirsty for I must confess!
Sounds pretty shit house that’s for sure T – I am so grateful I’ve only had a few moments in my life when I’ve hit rock bottom, but usually can surface quick(ish) x
I’m glad that I haven’t gotten down to that place again.
Again, you’ve perfectly captured what it’s like living with depression. “Depression makes time stand still while life passes you by” – so true, my friend. Beautifully written – hoping you are not in this place at the moment Tegan x
I’m not as far down as I have been in the past. Life is keeping me from getting down too far thankfully.
I get this.
What a tough spot to be. I hope you are not there now, and if you are that you can get some relief soon.
I’m not completely there at the moment thankfully. Thank you for your kind thoughts xx
You truly are HONEST & that is what I love! Love the rawness because it is TRUE time does stand still with Depression you are so RIGHT!
I’m increasingly feeling that way about people – they can be an effort and grate on me. I don’t want to keep functioning some days, I want to just stare at something and not deal. It would be nice to not have to deal for a little while, to just have me time.
Having pure me time is one of my self care strategies because I know how important it is.
Interesting comment from Vanessa. I feel like that too but since coming to the realisastion that I’m an introvert living an extrovert existence and giving myself some much needed time out, things are a tad better.
Great post on depression, I’m sure a lot of people can relate.
My One New Thing a Week challenge is now on, thanks for linking up last week. More mystery prizes up for grabs this week.
I linked with your One New Thing Challenge 🙂
I find that giving myself time out is definitely helpful. It’s one of my self care strategies.
I was there in the past and it took a long time to get out. Music helped. A lot. I’m glad my head eventually moved to a happier place. It’s not fun at all. Hugs xx
Very powerfully written Tegan. Feeling for you in your suffering. That blur of time stolen by depression feels familiar for me but I’m grateful I’ve always had things that have made me get out of bed even when I haven’t wanted to.