Where do I go now?

I must confess that I am at a crossroads.

I have fingers that itch to write but here I am staring at the blank screen, the blinking cursor mocking my indecisive actions.  I want to write, but I don’t know where to start.  I have no idea if it is a sense of too much to write which is overwhelming me or if my mind really is the echo chamber that it feels like.

I have two questions.  Do I write for the sake of writing, faking it until I make it, or let the sea of nothingness wash over me?  This is not the first time that I have faced a sea of nothingness, nor will it be the last time I face it.  It is the peril of the medicated, sometimes it clouds, making my brain a series of soft fuzziness and other times it pushes the fuzziness away.  It enables me to reach within, push away the lack of motivation and see the way forward.

The rut that I feel that I am stuck in, has provided me the ability to write about the things that matter, the things that I know.  The trouble is that these reasons seem to be drying up, I feel that I am saying the same things over and over again.  Outrage seems to be a common theme.  Is that a bad thing? I still haven’t worked it out yet.

In keeping the focus on the outside world, on things that other people are doing, it allows me to shift the focus from working on the things about myself that need to be done.  This has always been a coping mechanism that I have kept falling back to.  It is much easier to give advice than to take it.  It’s a welcome distraction when I can focus on things other than what is going on in my head.

All of this woe is me has a purpose, it serves a purpose to tell me that things need to change.  I need to set a new path, but still keeping within my realm.  I need to keep writing what I know, but with a different focus.  Mental Illness is what I know, I would be doing myself a disservice to write about things that I do not know so intimately.

So, I put it to you reader, is there anything you want covered that I haven’t already?  Do you have any burning questions that you want answered?  Feel free to comment below or if you wish to remain anonymous send an email here

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10 thoughts on “Where do I go now?

  1. Angela

    I really like your ‘tale’ that you wrote not so long ago. I think that perhaps if you take notes of anything and everythi that you want to bring to light in some way, and then as well as your blog posts that are very real, maybe focus on some more writing. Short tales that come to mind and are published on your blog and can still bring information, point of view and thought provocation without feeling like the ‘same old’. And then perhaps as a longer term goal, consider an ebook. Either a collation of short tales over time, an informative collation of your experiences, or even a ‘your story’ book that you could publish all at one time or in parts. Having all of this linked to your blog would mean that people have even more opportunity for insight into a world, even if just from your experiences. A more interactive blog, and hopefully a way for you to still focus on what you know, yet not feel like you are doing the same thing over and over.

    I hope you find a way out of this rut and that you find a way to continue to talk about what you know, but that you can bring a freshness to it that keeps you motivated and passionate.

    Reply
  2. Vanessa

    It’s a hard question when you don’t know what to write about. I float between not writing at all, and then inspiration coming in batches, to just trying to write something, even if it’s just bullet points. I haven’t found one hard and fast rule works for me.

    Reply
  3. Kirsty @ My Home Truths

    I can really understand this Tegan. I’m in a stage at the moment where I’m avoiding in a way writing about the things that matter to me, like albinism and autism. I’m mentally exhausted yet I can write about no end of other motherhood and personal things. I want to be in a place to write about those things again soon but moving house and dealing with the transition for the kids has taken it out of me. Hoping you find a new direction and focus that will satisfy you soon x

    Reply
  4. Aroha

    I think you just have to stay true to yourself and write what you need to. I feel like I bang on about the same things over and over sometimes, like today’s post, I type it and read it and think to myself “God just MOVE ON YOU IDIOT!” But we can’t help what we feel, and I think sharing it, no matter how many times, is all part of the “process”. xo

    Reply
  5. Bec | Mumma Tells

    I hear what you’re saying – I too struggle to write unless there’s something that I need to share. I find it almost impossible to just write for the sake of it… well, at least write coherently. If you’re not feeling inspired, perhaps wait until the spark returns? That is probably not very helpful, but it’s what I’d do…

    Reply
  6. Rita

    Hello Tegan, I have to admit this is the first time I’m visiting your blog so it’s hard for me to answer your question. I would say, just write about the thing that are important for you. Sometimes, I find that taking a break from writing makes the inspiration coming back.

    Reply
  7. Rhonda

    I know that feeling. How about writing some How-tos in between but stick to the topic?

    Or maybe write opinion pieces in response to what’s in the news, still on topic.

    Reply

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