This week over at My Home Truths the prompt for I must confess is regrets.
As I have gotten older my regrets have shifted focus but many have stayed the same. One thing that has changed since I became an adult, and more so when I had Mr 4 is the regrets of things that I did while in crisis, the things that I did. While there is still twinges of regret, of thinking of what could have been, there is also a sense of being thankful.
I am working on coming to a place where the past doesn’t haunt me. Where rumination doesn’t take as much control over my mind as it does now. One of the steps that helps in this is focusing on the chain of cause and effect. While theoretically this may seem like the worst possible thing that I could do, as someone who finds comfort in facts, it is one of the most helpful things that I employ.
This chain of thought helps me to realise to that without my past, I wouldn’t be the person that I am today. I may have done things (lots of things) that I am not proud of, but I have paid my dues. I have learned from these mistakes and endevoured to not make them again.
Science Fiction movies show us that even if we did have the ability to go back in time, take back that action or the words spoken it could undo the fabric of our future. Without that argument with your partner about how under appreciated you feel, would you still be stuck in the same resentful rut? You may smart thinking back to the moment, about words that were spoken, but have things changed for the better? Most likely.
I’m not pushing aside the things that I have done in the past and pretending it’s a puppies an cuddles now. The things that I regret still plague me every day. Not a moment goes past without someone reminding me of something I have done or said. The difference now is that I and starting to come to terms with them and the role they have played in molding the person that I am today.
No one is perfect, we all have moments in our past that cloud our conscience if we let them. There is moments in our past that we wish we could take back, have a do over. However this just isn’t possible, what’s done is done. All we can ask is that we learn from our past and become a better person for it. I hope that I can recognise the patterns of past behaviour and cut off the chain before it is allowed to reach a point of disaster.