This week over at My Home Truths the prompt for I must confess is regrets.
As I have gotten older my regrets have shifted focus but many have stayed the same. One thing that has changed since I became an adult, and more so when I had Mr 4 is the regrets of things that I did while in crisis, the things that I did. While there is still twinges of regret, of thinking of what could have been, there is also a sense of being thankful.
I am working on coming to a place where the past doesn’t haunt me. Where rumination doesn’t take as much control over my mind as it does now. One of the steps that helps in this is focusing on the chain of cause and effect. While theoretically this may seem like the worst possible thing that I could do, as someone who finds comfort in facts, it is one of the most helpful things that I employ.
This chain of thought helps me to realise to that without my past, I wouldn’t be the person that I am today. I may have done things (lots of things) that I am not proud of, but I have paid my dues. I have learned from these mistakes and endevoured to not make them again.
Science Fiction movies show us that even if we did have the ability to go back in time, take back that action or the words spoken it could undo the fabric of our future. Without that argument with your partner about how under appreciated you feel, would you still be stuck in the same resentful rut? You may smart thinking back to the moment, about words that were spoken, but have things changed for the better? Most likely.
I’m not pushing aside the things that I have done in the past and pretending it’s a puppies an cuddles now. The things that I regret still plague me every day. Not a moment goes past without someone reminding me of something I have done or said. The difference now is that I and starting to come to terms with them and the role they have played in molding the person that I am today.
No one is perfect, we all have moments in our past that cloud our conscience if we let them. There is moments in our past that we wish we could take back, have a do over. However this just isn’t possible, what’s done is done. All we can ask is that we learn from our past and become a better person for it. I hope that I can recognise the patterns of past behaviour and cut off the chain before it is allowed to reach a point of disaster.
I totally hear you on this. I have come to acknowledge that, in the past, I did the best that I could with the knowledge that I had – yes, looking back now I would have done things differently but at the time, I honestly believed that that was the right course of action to take / not take.
Absolutely – our past has made us who we are today and, like you said, what is done is done – all we can do is learn from it and move into the future.
Have the best day !
Yep, you hit the nail on the head, we do the best we can with what we have at that moment. We aren’t the same person as we were 15, 10, 5 or even 1 year ago and what we do today might be completely different to what we do tomorrow.
With all the work I’m doing on living Mindfully, I’ve learnt that that living in the past or in the future cheats us of the present. We’ve all made mistakes in the past (and we learn so much from them). We all have hopes and aspirations for the future, but I reckon we could all learn to live more in the present and enjoy the now 🙂 xo
I’m currently working on mindfullness too and like you it has helped me immensely to attempt to live in the now and realise that the past is the past.
yes, absolutely agree with all you said. we can’t take anything back, or go back in time, what’s done IS done. like you said on my post, the important thing is that we learn and grow from our mistakes/learn our lessons. xo Aroha
Yep, no time is wasted if it’s spent learning from our mistakes.
I love that you have learned from your past and recognise that everything you have done, good and bad, has been integral to making you who you are now. That’s a really healthy and positive way to live Tegan!
Thanks Kirsty, it something that I try to work on everyday and I don’t always reach that same conclusion but the success rate is getting better.
“CAUSE” & “EFFECT” both very powerful I always now try to be on the “CAUSE” side instead of the effect. Love what you have written & keep learning, for the best of learning is the growing, great blog!
Thank you for your kind words Bee xx
Life’s regrets, I like to think of them as life’s lessons and move on and try not to make the same mistakes regrets too often.
Yep, I think as long as we are moving and learning from the things we regret then we are moving in the right direction.
yes there is no point beating yourself up with that which is over and done with. Learn from it and move on yes but beat yourself up no. Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses to you lovely
Yep that is something that I am still working on to achieve but the success rate is getting better 🙂
I’m trying to do exactly what you are, accept myself and the way things are NOW without fighting against it or ruminating over the past. Then I found after writing my post last night, I went to bed and couldn’t sleep because I was doing the thing I’m trying not to and mulling over things. DOH. So yeah, it’s not easy, but I’m really trying. Glad to see you are making progress with that as well. xo
It’s definitely not easy but I am trying to remind myself that each time I succeed in cutting the rumination short is a step forward.
I get this. I find it hard not to regret things and mull over them constantly. It is very hard to let go and make peace but it is also necessary for living the rest of one’s life! I just realised I didn’t have you on my blogroll or reader. What the hell. I am a loser. Just fixed it.
Stewy Mcstew and I are old friends unfortunately. I’ve been trying to fuck him off for years but he keeps hanging around like a bad smell.
I think that is all anyone can ask of a person. It is certainly all that I ask of myself…
Totally agree. I sometimes feel like I have so many regrets, more so things I didn’t do or didn’t appreciate at the time but I realise I wouldn’t be where I am now if I hadn’t taken the path I have.
I look forward to watching you continue on your path, further away from that time in your life that has caused you such pain and regret.
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