This week Kirsty from My Home Truths wants to know all about our first loves. I have to admit that I kind of struggled with this. I’ve had boyfriends before Paul, but (as cliche as it sounds) I’m not really sure if I loved anyone before him. Looking back, (isn’t hindsight a bitch) I think that the relationships were more about convenience than love, a feeling that I couldn’t do better so at least I had a boyfriend.
My first boyfriend and I went out on and off for 4 years. He used me, I was just so depressed and happy that someone was willing to go out with me that I was *happy* to ignore the obvious. He no doubt was just happy that someone was willing to have sex with his annoying self. He still occasionally messages me on Facebook to see if I want to ‘catch up’. At least one of us has changed..
The boyfriend I had before Paul was 6 beers short of a six pack. I have written about him before, I plead that I was completely insane for the duration of our relationship. I joke about it but it was probably close to the truth. I was still in the trap of, staying with anyone who was willing to *put up with me*. A feeling that was almost cemented when a MH nurse told me that I should be thankful that anyone would want to be with someone so *fucked up*.
Then Paul came along. He was so completely different to anyone who I have ever been with. Sure we have had our ups and downs, had screaming matches that made Jerry Springer look like a G rated kids shows and we definitely don’t agree on everything. All that aside, he loves me, through the shit and the good times. I know I am not the easiest person to get along with at times, that I have withdrawn into myself more than ever lately but he is still standing beside me.
He is the first man I have been with who, even after a screaming match, I have wanted to snuggle in bed with and pretend the world outside doesn’t exist. He is the first man who while he doesn’t understand everything that I go through, he tries to learn and is always there to listen if I need to talk. He is a great father to Mr 4 and I love watching them play together. I love watching Mr 4’s face light up when he sees Paul drive into the driveway.
Do you remember your first love? Are they someone you wish you could forget?