First love…or not

This week Kirsty from My Home Truths wants to know all about our first loves.  I have to admit that I kind of struggled with this.  I’ve had boyfriends before Paul, but (as cliche as it sounds) I’m not really sure if I loved anyone before him.  Looking back, (isn’t hindsight a bitch) I think that the relationships were more about convenience than love, a feeling that I couldn’t do better so at least I had a boyfriend.

My first boyfriend and I went out on and off for 4 years.  He used me, I was just so depressed and happy that someone was willing to go out with me that I was *happy* to ignore the obvious.  He no doubt was just happy that someone was willing to have sex with his annoying self.  He still occasionally messages me on Facebook to see if I want to ‘catch up’.  At least one of us has changed..

The boyfriend I had before Paul was 6 beers short of a six pack.  I have written about him before, I plead that I was completely insane for the duration of our relationship.  I joke about it but it was probably close to the truth.  I was still in the trap of, staying with anyone who was willing to *put up with me*.  A feeling that was almost cemented when a MH nurse told me that I should be thankful that anyone would want to be with someone so *fucked up*.

Then Paul came along.  He was so completely different to anyone who I have ever been with.  Sure we have had our ups and downs, had screaming matches that made Jerry Springer look like a G rated kids shows and we definitely don’t agree on everything.  All that aside, he loves me, through the shit and the good times.  I know I am not the easiest person to get along with at times, that I have withdrawn into myself more than ever lately but he is still standing beside me.

He is the first man I have been with who, even after a screaming match, I have wanted to snuggle in bed with and pretend the world outside doesn’t exist.  He is the first man who while he doesn’t understand everything that I go through, he tries to learn and is always there to listen if I need to talk.  He is a great father to Mr 4 and I love watching them play together.  I love watching Mr 4’s face light up when he sees Paul drive into the driveway.

Do you remember your first love?  Are they someone you wish you could forget?

My Home Truths

 

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23 thoughts on “First love…or not

  1. Aroha @ Colours of Sunset

    I think my first TRUE love was the BF I had in England for about 3 months. He gave me butterflies, I loved him, but the timing wasn’t right for us. I still sometimes wonder what life would be like now had I stayed in England instead of leaving like I did. I’m glad you and Mr 4 have Paul. xo

    Reply
    1. Tegan Post author

      I shudder to think what life would be like with my exes. It must be hard though looking back and wondering what if about a past love.

      Reply
    1. Tegan Post author

      He was a pretty dodgy nurse. Got himself in trouble a few times for not following protocols around female patients.

      Reply
  2. Sarah McBryde

    You and me seem to have hit the jackpot with our blokes. That’s how I know that DH is the right one for me – even when I want to throttle him, I know I couldn’t live without him hahaha. Must be true love!

    Reply
  3. Ness

    Man, that MH nurse needs a good slapping. Or something.

    No relationship is perfect but if when the good out weighs the bad and you can live with each others crap and baggage because none of it is a deal breaker, it’s a pretty good feeling. I’m glad you’ve found that. xo

    Reply
  4. Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me

    Aww bless it’s a nice feeling right?! I remember my first love, he turned out to be a wanker who got it on with someone I knew when I went off to uni and tried the long distance thing – broke my heart 🙁 A lucky escape though as now I have my true prince x

    Reply
  5. Alison

    Hmm. Wonders how much she should reveal. Oh, it’s too darn complicated. Let’s just say yep I remember him, and apparently he remembers me too. Also, actions have consequences and I was a bit of a shite to him, for which he nursed a grudge over more than two decades. Ah well, you live and learn! I don’t wish I could forget him, but do wish I had been kinder.

    And though he was my first love, my first – ahem – everything, he was not my last. Of course, I could just be flighty 🙂

    Can I also just mention that however difficult you think you are to live with, don’t you dare be grateful to anybody for loving you. Maybe I read that wrong, and am just projecting from way back in my past. But for the record, any man would be fucking lucky to have you. Paul does sound like a nice bloke, and a good dad – which is exactly what you deserve.

    Reply
    1. Tegan Post author

      It’s not a grateful that someone loves me, but more coming to a place where I realise that yes there are people who love me for me, regardless of the baggage that comes with it. It’s more of a mutual feeling of ‘hey we aren’t perfect but we’re perfect for each other’.

      Reply
  6. Zoe Amy

    I don’t think I knew what love was until I met my partner. The men I dated before were just a learning experience that led me to be able to recognise a good man when I met one.

    Reply

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