Welcome to my weekly A-Z of Mental Illness. Each week I will be writing about a mental health topic that correlates with a letter of the alphabet. I have a few people doing guest posts along the way as well, just so you don’t have to listen to me drone on every week. I hope that through this alphabet of Mental Illness I will be able to spread a bit more awareness.
Today’s post was supposed to be about Happiness but I couldn’t bring myself to write it. I have always wanted this space to be a place of honesty and writing about happiness when I couldn’t be further from it, it just didn’t sit right with me.
I’m not sad, I’m just not happy. I am in a state of limbo and it fucking sucks. Many people think that to feel nothing at all would be bliss but it’s not. It’s nothing. No good, no bad, just nothing.
I’m faking it until I make it. So far it’s not working. Maybe I have been faking it too long and I can’t make the next step. I make all the right expressions, act the way that I think I should. This is easy when you don’t see anyone face to face. It’s easy when you are a recluse.
One of the things that I am working on in therapy at the moment is doing the opposite. Clearly this is not it but I couldn’t bring myself to bring a half truth to this space. I just keep telling myself that tomorrow WILL be better and maybe one day it will be true.
Check out the rest of the A-Z of Mental Illness series here