H is for…

Welcome to my weekly A-Z of Mental Illness. Each week I will be writing about a mental health topic that correlates with a letter of the alphabet. I have a few people doing guest posts along the way as well, just so you don’t have to listen to me drone on every week. I hope that through this alphabet of Mental Illness I will be able to spread a bit more awareness.

mental illness alphabet

Today’s post was supposed to be about Happiness but I couldn’t bring myself to write it. I have always wanted this space to be a place of honesty and writing about happiness when I couldn’t be further from it, it just didn’t sit right with me.

I’m not sad, I’m just not happy. I am in a state of limbo and it fucking sucks. Many people think that to feel nothing at all would be bliss but it’s not. It’s nothing. No good, no bad, just nothing.

I’m faking it until I make it. So far it’s not working. Maybe I have been faking it too long and I can’t make the next step. I make all the right expressions, act the way that I think I should. This is easy when you don’t see anyone face to face. It’s easy when you are a recluse.

One of the things that I am working on in therapy at the moment is doing the opposite. Clearly this is not it but I couldn’t bring myself to bring a half truth to this space. I just keep telling myself that tomorrow WILL be better and maybe one day it will be true.

Check out the rest of the A-Z of Mental Illness series here

17 thoughts on “H is for…

  1. Leanne Winter

    When you’re feeling down there’s nothing worse than having well-meaning people give you all sorts of advice on how to ‘pick yourself up’. So I won’t do that. I’ll only say that it can be hard to be happy when you’re bogged down in the day to day grind and I personally try to remember that happiness is an attitude not a destination. Don’t slap me. Cheers Leanne

    Reply
  2. Becc

    I connected with this so well. Being a recluse in a state of not feeling is a horrendous place to be. I can fake it too when required, but the underneath still remains.
    Becc @ Take Charge Now

    Reply
  3. Lydia C. Lee

    Hang in there, is all I’m going to offer. Get out in the sunshine and if you can, meet up with some people – even if you don’t feel like it. May not make a difference, but will make a change.

    Reply
  4. ann

    Hang in there, i hope you get to a place of happiness soon. Makes me wonder how many people are truly happy? I know some days i am and some days not.

    Reply
    1. Musings of the Misguided Post author

      I think there are probably a lot more people that are faking it till we make it than we realise.

      Reply
  5. Angela

    My friends are why I wanted to stay. I miss you and I am finding myself in a rut of pj days and often not having the energy or motivation to drag my ass out of the house with the 2 boys. I found that our Thursday meetups were actually one of the things keeping me going. I know we made the right choice in moving here and feel content with that decision but am struggling with not having our casual, let the kids run wild while they are occupied and while we get to catch up, vent and get out of the house.

    Reply
  6. Sharon @ Funken Wagnel

    I’m proud of you for keeping on keeping on, Tegan. You’re working on it and it shows. I’ve noticed that the progress we crave isn’t apparent for a long time, then one day you look back and see that you’ve come a really long way in terms of progress. So, I guess the most important thing is to gather lots of time working on it. Looking back at how it used to be can also help us to have some hope about the situation too.

    I’ll bet you’re acheiving so much more than you realise just yet

    Reply

Leave a Reply to Oculus Mundi Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.