It’s no secret that having a child changes you in ways that you couldn’t even begin to imagine before having a child. You have these romantic ideas when you are pregnant of how you are going to be as a mother and well rarely does it turn out that way. Both for the good and the bad. There are times when I want to pull my hair out but I wouldn’t change having Devil Spawn.
Now there is somewhere I was going with all this. I have noticed over the last few weeks how different it is as a mother to be a parent to a boy. Yes a smelly, farting boy. I wanted to share with you my take on being surrounded by a toddler with testosterone.
Be prepared, once they can talk, for the endless questions on why it is that you don’t have a penis. Also be prepared for the look of horror when they realise that you don’t have one. The usual response is that they think it’s been chopped off and you need to go to the doctor immediately. This of course is met with hysterical laughter from me.
You will see LOTS of penis. Like more than a porn movie. Why? Because boys like to show off. Many times Devil Spawn has yelled from the toilet…’look at this mummy’ because he has found a new trick that he can get his man appendage to perform. There is also the habit that never goes away, of always checking to make sure it’s there.
Fart jokes are always funny. Always. Even when you are in the middle of Coles and he lets one rip louder than a jumbo jet and stinkier than a day old cup of milk…he will think it’s funny. You will generally want to crawl under a rock because there will always be a judgey mcjudger within ear shot that can hear him screaming at the top of his lungs ‘MUMMY I FARTED’. Just smile and nod. The more you tell him to shoosh, the louder he’ll yell. Every time.
The pile of ‘house’ clothes will always be bigger than the pile of ‘good’ clothes. Boys and toddlers in general seem to be big old magnets for dirt. I think the only time Devil Spawn is completely clean is the 30 secs it takes him to go from the bathroom to his room after a bath.
This is why we can’t have nice things.
Do you have a boy? What are the things you are getting used to about having a son?