Shit has been hitting the fan the last 6 months. I’ve been a ball of fury that doesn’t seem to have a way to unravel. Everyone has been copping it. Left, right and center. Mostly those close to me though.
I think it’s time I bit the bullet and talking to a ‘professional’ about it. Every day feels like the worst day of my life. I spend most of the day either in tears, sleeping to escape or yelling. This is no way for DS to live. I don’t want him remembering his childhood as having been peppered with anger.
I just need something to take the edge off. The only time I don’t feel on edge is when I am drinking. We all know what that can lead to.
My jaw is constantly clenched and I am poised in flight mode instead of fight. Not something that is helpful for a parent. I think constantly about running away. Never coming back. Self harm is always at the front of my mind. This hasn’t happened in over 3 years. I feel in a state of constant crisis. Shit is getting real.
It’s time to get real about this shit. It’s time to get the help that I need and my family deserves.