The Bullet Has Been Bitten

Yesterday I took the Mini Man to the Child Health Nurse for his 2 year old check up.  It was all about me and my inability to cope with the everyday of having a toddler.  Of having the Mini Man.  I was so worried about how I was going to say it, how I was going to word it and have it come out how I wanted it to.  All I did was blurt out ‘I can’t do this anymore’.  

It’s good when you have a health worker who has kids and understand that sometimes it’s fucking hard y’all and it’s not always rainbows and fucking butterflies.

I got a referral to a social worker, who I need to be equally honest with.  I need to tell them about my disconnection with Dyllan.  Is it permanent, just a part of my mental illness or something else entirely?  I just feel that most of my actions towards Dyllan are an act.  That I’m doing what I feel that I ‘should’ do rather than actually feeling anything.  Surely this isn’t normal.  He’s a good kid. I don’t want him growing up and hating me (well more than the average teenager hates their parent anyway).

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