I got a bit of disappointing news today. My psychiatrist who I have been seeing for the last 3 years has resigned and gone private. I can’t afford to follow her so looks like I am at the mercy of the public system again. Oh joy!
Initially I was told that she was going part time private but still having clinic once a week and had agreed to keep me on….today she said that she finishes for good mid next month. I will see her for the last time in two weeks. It’s already making me sick to the stomach.
She asked how I felt about it….what was I supposed to say? Don’t leave me? Oh now wouldn’t that be soooo borderline of me, so predictable. So what did I say? Well thats life, sometimes people leave. When all I wanted to do was scream at her. How am I supposed to start over again? Especially with a case manager who doesn’t really know me well either and who thinks I just need to meditate more.
How can we put our trust in people when they all leave….eventually. There are only a couple of people in my life, not counting family, who have been there through thick and thin. Who despite there own struggles have always been there and I will be forever greatful for their support. The friends who make mental health jokes without malicious intent. The friends who have been there, done that, bought the T shirt. The friends who knew the difference between self harm thoughts and intent. The friends who stayed up chatting all night just for the sake of it. I just hope that I can be the friend to them that they are to me 🙂