When I first started this blog I didn’t reveal what mental illness I had been diagnosed with. I left it as a kind of vague depression with self harm tendencies. I was worried about revealing that I had Borderline Personality Disorder. I was buying into the stigma that I was fighting. There was also the worry that I would be boxed in by my diagnosis.For many years I struggled with my sense of self and where my place is in the world. My place in this world is something I still struggle with but I don’t struggle so much anymore with the who I am as person. I struggle with naming positive attributes, but I know who I am. However recently I am finding that the anxiety that has become my newest BFF has plunged me back into a place of doubt.
Three posts in less than a week. I think I am finally feeling the blog love again. Maybe. Either way I am going with it while it lasts. It has been so long since I linked up with a linky party and I must confess that I have missed it. It’s such an easy way to keep in touch with the blogosphere.
When you feel angry, or feel yourself losing control, just walk away and take some time to yourself. This is great advice, but what if you are doing more walking away than engaging? Where do we draw the line with our kids? Is walking away really the best thing to teach them?For me a lot of my anxiety is expressed as anger. I find myself stuck in the fight mode, rather than the flight. This then results in emotional overload and in steps depression. It’s exhausting. It also means that anything that I am trying to say is overtaken by my anger. No one responds well to anger.
*The following post talks about self harm and may be triggering. Please ensure you are in a safe place before reading. If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm please speak to a mental health professional or your GP*
This year it has been 13 years since I started self harming. People believe that if you don’t actively self harm anymore then you shouldn’t really say that you are a self harmer or a person who self harms. However I think of the action of self harming as an addiction, and so it is something that I have to work hard to not engage in.