Bullet Journals seem to be all the rage at the moment. Or at least in my news feed. I looked into them because I am a lover of lists. Plus any excuse to buy a new notebook is good in my opinion. However Bullet Journals didn’t seem to be my style. One of the things that I have learned over the last few years is that recovery is about creating and filling a toolbox. There isn’t just one way to get well. Sometimes it is about taking bits and pieces from different therapies to fill your toolbox. Sometimes it is about creating your own techniques that work with your life. That is where Ta-Da Journalling comes in!
During one of my many inpatient stays in 2007 one of the nurses sat me down to share with me his Life Lessons. I am so glad that he wrote them down as there was no way that I was in the right frame of mind to take it on board. Times like this I’m also glad I am a bit of a hoarder so I still have the book it is written in.
*The following post discusses self harm. If you are feeling unsafe please let someone know. If you are in immediate danger please go to your nearest Emergency Department.*
Over the last 13 years I have struggled on and off with thoughts of self harm of varying degrees. These thoughts have ranged from fleeting images to seemingly relentless onslaughts. For a lot of years I separated those thoughts from my body, choosing to see them as an entity I was too weak to resist.
When I was first told about mindfulness I thought it was kind of wanky. I also have the attention span of a small child so I spent most of the time trying to focus and getting frustrated that I was thinking about everything but what I *should* have been. That was my first mistake.I don’t know if my aversion to mindfulness was a result of it being explained poorly, my aversion to anything that relied on attempting to wrangle my mind or a mixture of both, but I did know that I was hesitant to give it more than a half arsed go. I felt uncomfortable closing my eyes in a session, and my need to doing something perfect meant that I constantly felt that I was failing. I thought that the quiet, breath orientated meditation was the only way to practice mindfulness. That was my second mistake.
I don’t have my shit together…at all. However I am learning little tricks along the way which help me feel like everything isn’t completely imploding. They make the day to day things easier so that I can tackle the big stuff. Which hopefully means that the little stuff won’t be so damn hard all of the time. Let go of the bullshit idea that all food must be made from scratch all of the time.