I have a controversial confession to make, I don’t always miss my son when I am not spending time with him. For a long time I felt guilty about it because I thought that it proved that I didn’t have a bond with my son. It sounds strange when I write it down, I’m feeling guilty about not feeling guilty.When I organise to have child free time I do it with people who I trust. I know that he is safe when I am not with him and that the people he is spending time with care about his well being. I wouldn’t leave him if they didn’t. So it suddenly occurred to me a couple of years ago, that I didn’t need to feel guilty when he was spending time with other people.
Society tells women that if they are mothers, then they should want to be with their children all of the time. The first question to working mother’s is often ‘who has your children’, like you’ve committed some kind of sin by not spending every waking moment with them. On the flip side men are asked where their partners are if they are seen outside the house alone with their children.
I still think about Mr 6 when I’m not with him. A few taxi drivers have been treated too an excited ‘oo look it’s a fire truck’. The joys of having a child who is obsessed with emergency vehicles! I think about him and I wonder what he is getting up to but I don’t miss him.
Often when I am having child free time, Mr 6 is with Paul or his sisters and their kids. He has an awesome time when he is with them. They do the things that I don’t particularly like doing and he enjoys the time with kids his own age. I don’t feel guilty about that time anymore because I know how happy that time makes him.
If you are spending time away from your child or children please don’t feel guilty when you don’t miss them. Please enjoy the time you have to yourself and know that having that time to recharge is OK. It’s OK to have a life that doesn’t completely revolve around your children. It’s OK if sometimes you need to take time out to catch your breath. We’ve all been there. It’s OK.