I have a controversial confession to make, I don’t always miss my son when I am not spending time with him. For a long time I felt guilty about it because I thought that it proved that I didn’t have a bond with my son. It sounds strange when I write it down, I’m feeling guilty about not feeling guilty.
When I organise to have child free time I do it with people who I trust. I know that he is safe when I am not with him and that the people he is spending time with care about his well being. I wouldn’t leave him if they didn’t. So it suddenly occurred to me a couple of years ago, that I didn’t need to feel guilty when he was spending time with other people.
Society tells women that if they are mothers, then they should want to be with their children all of the time. The first question to working mother’s is often ‘who has your children’, like you’ve committed some kind of sin by not spending every waking moment with them. On the flip side men are asked where their partners are if they are seen outside the house alone with their children.
I still think about Mr 6 when I’m not with him. A few taxi drivers have been treated too an excited ‘oo look it’s a fire truck’. The joys of having a child who is obsessed with emergency vehicles! I think about him and I wonder what he is getting up to but I don’t miss him.
Often when I am having child free time, Mr 6 is with Paul or his sisters and their kids. He has an awesome time when he is with them. They do the things that I don’t particularly like doing and he enjoys the time with kids his own age. I don’t feel guilty about that time anymore because I know how happy that time makes him.
If you are spending time away from your child or children please don’t feel guilty when you don’t miss them. Please enjoy the time you have to yourself and know that having that time to recharge is OK. It’s OK to have a life that doesn’t completely revolve around your children. It’s OK if sometimes you need to take time out to catch your breath. We’ve all been there. It’s OK.
I used to miss my kids terribly. I mean, i still do. But as they get older and I trust the people around them more, the feelings are nowhere near as heartbreaking. Our recent 10 days of child-free time in Vegas was pretty easy. Back in the day I wouldn’t have lasted three days …
I’m getting ready for when my daughter leaves the nest. She plans to head off next year at the tender age of 17 to explore the big city for modelling opportunities. I am not looking forward to that … I’m still hoping she might change her mind.
I don’t miss mine and don’t feel guilty… and motherhood improved a lot when they all got to school….. but having said that, I’ve only been away twice in 20 years for more than a weekend with my husby and both times I was desperate to get back to see them once our wee escape was over.
I’ve felt like this before, but you’re right. It is ok. We all need a break or a change sometimes, even just some time alone to reset 🙂
I don’t know why anyone WOULDN’T want time alone!
I feel the same way. I desperately need time away from my boys to recharge, otherwise I am useless to them. I don’t miss them when they’re at school because I know the hours fly by and I’ll see them again soon. I very rarely have time away from them otherwise, unless Mick takes them out or they’re with my parents, so I know they’re safe like you say. It’s nonsense to think just because we’re women we should want to be permanently joined at the hip with our children. I love my boys with the force of a thousands suns but I still need quiet time. Great post.
Sometimes I miss them and others I don’t. Time away from the kids is so rare, it’s important to enjoy it when you do have it.
Well said. I miss my little man right now, but mostly because he’s really tired and was really unhappy when I left him at care. So it’s a guilt-laden missing him. If he’d waved me off, I wouldn’t even be thinking about him right now.
And I actually love when I collect the kids and they trip over their own tongues in their excitement to tell me what they’ve been up to!
I don’t really feel guilty within myself, but I guess society tells me I should, so I do sometimes. Take this week for example, Miss 10 is off to school camp for four days and I’m not missing her. It’s kind of like having a break, and I’m able to spend more time with Miss 8 too. And the fact that I know she is being well cared for, and having a great time, well, it’s win, win right?
Well said, I agree with you. I don’t always miss my son but it does depend on the day and what kind of humour he’s in. I think it’s healthy to have breaks from your kids, for them as well as for us! Cute photo:-)
My younger girls are at my Mums this week. To tell you the truth I and my older girls needed a break. They can be pretty full on. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a bit of “me” time and we shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about it either.
Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t but I often find that I feel guilty for not feeling guilty! Seriously who does that!
Time away is really important to recharge but to recharge it is really important to let go of everything so you can recharge and be ready for when you get back to reality. xo
Heeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllllllo no I don’t feel guilty when I enjoy my kid-free time. So normal. I think it would be a bit odd if we couldn’t enjoy life a bit without our kids… after a few days I miss them, like when I went to LA without my hubbo or kids and went with my parents and sisters, I craved them then!
I miss them a little, and look forward to seeing them when I get home, but honestly, I really look forward to the break and I don’t feel guilty one bit.
Thank you for this post – I always used to feel guilty that I enjoyed “me” time and didn’t really miss the kids!
I am an introvert – I do not miss my children when they are not home! I revel in the precious gift that is a silent house. I think that’s how I managed to do my degree – one and a half days a week of silent house time. The kids always come home, so it’s not like I’ll not see them ever again! In fact, when we have two away and the third left at home we tend to wonder where we might be able to send the one who’s left.
I really don’t miss them unless it’s for an extended period of time. After about two days the missing kicks in big time. But two days and one night, what kids? 😉
I don’t have many people close to me who I would trust to have my children overnight so I don’t get it often unless Michael is at home with them which means we don’t get nights together. I however, had a weekend away last year with a friend for my birthday and I didn’t even want talk to them while I was away. I was on break, I wanted to enjoy my time and be a little free. It was good, and I don’t feel guilty for it.
I don’t miss mine on the odd occasion I am child free. Sometimes I do worry about the babysitters (usually grandparents) and how they are coping ?