Some people get their knickers in a knot when you appear to ignore their well meaning advice. There are days where it is easier to smile and nod when someone gives you advice, then there are days when the urge to tell them where to stick it is a little too strong.
The reality is that there is no obligation to use any advice that someone gives you, regardless of how well meaning it is. You also don’t have to feel guilty when they imply that you aren’t helping yourself because you refuse to take their piece of advice. Having the whammy of a mental illness and a child with a few different quirks means that some days the advice comes thick and fast.
If that was my child I wouldn’t accept that.
This little gem is usually in regards to Mr 6 not sleeping. With a lot of things parenting, you really don’t know what you will accept until you are in the thick of it. I don’t ‘accept’ that Mr 6 has trouble sleeping, but I do accept that, that is our situation right now. Fighting and screaming every night doesn’t get him to sleep quicker, in fact it prolongs the whole process.
Just make him eat what you cook. He won’t starve.
Before I had a child who could refuse food, I too thought this. Fuck I was stupid. A child will starve themselves. They will fight tooth and nail if they don’t like a food for whatever reason. After Mr 6 made himself physically sick because he was so anxious about eating a food, I now only have one food rule. He must at least try the food before declaring it disgusting. This works most of the time and saves a lot of drama.
Just think positive.
Mental illness is about so much more than just thinking positive. One of the things that my psych says to me frequently is that staying mentally well is about having a full toolbox to draw from. Turning negative thinking around is just one of those tools, it is not even really the most powerful.
When I have a child I won’t do that.
This one just makes me laugh now. It used to really upset me when they would pass judgement on my decision to use melatonin to help Mr 6 sleep. Then I reminded myself that they weren’t in my house at bedtime. They didn’t have to listen to an upset child who just wanted to sleep. They really just had no idea, and the truth is that you don’t until you are in the trenches.
Back in my day…
This is usually followed by some outdated gem about how all kids need is a kick up the arse and to stop being wrapped in cotton wool. Also mental illness didn’t exist or some other shit. Kids were seen and not heard, there were no tantrums and ADHD was just bad behaviour.
You know what cuts Mr 6’s tantrums short when I have the energy to remember to do it? A simple sentence. ‘I understand that you are upset right now’. It opens the dialogue and makes him feel that I am listening to him. Of course I’m not perfect and when I am 8 aisles deep in the grocery shopping, I just want it done and OMG can you stop talking!
Cooking everything from scratch is better for you. Mcdonalds is bad.
Of course this is absolutely true. I’m not a complete moron. However I’m also not going to McDonalds for the health benefits. I’m going because I don’t want to cook, or clean and I want to serve something that Mr 6 is guaranteed to eat aka peace and quiet for at least 5 minutes. Sometimes there are things that have got to give, and so there are times when I cook things from a jar or a box because I just don’t want a fight.
I’m not begrudging all advice givers. I have gotten some great advice over the years. However if you are giving advice please don’t place your own terms on it. The person you are talking to has no obligation to listen to your advice. They may have already heard your particular gem a 100 times before and are too polite to tell you so. It’s human nature to want to help, just know when to take a step back.
What advice are you sick of hearing?
Linking up with Jess for IBOT!