This week Kirsty has asked us to confess to our biggest strength. I have been thinking about this prompt for over a week, mainly because I struggle to talk positively about myself. I decided to write instead about the part of myself that I think is the strongest. It might not always be a positive thing but it is still the strongest part of me, my mind. It has the power to build me up, or bring me crashing down.I think of the brain and the mind as two different things. It sounds strange and probably like I am splitting hairs. However I think that the brain is more the mechanics and the mind is the feelings. It’s the fears, the triumphs and the chatter. Whereas the brain does the outside stuff, the walking, the talking and the doing.
My psychologist often says to me that our minds are like spoilt brats. It wants the candy, the junk food and the easy stuff unless we put boundaries in place. It’s like dealing with a toddler. Unless you say no, your brain will always fall to the default, and for a lot of people that is the negative.
It’s always amazes me that the words that I say to myself can have such an impact, that a part of me can be so much stronger than the others. I used to believe that my mind was the strongest part of me, that my body was weak. I then realised that it wasn’t that way at all. It was simply my own mind believing the lies that I was telling it. I was using the strength of my own mind against myself, in a negative way.
Another thing that my psychologist is often saying to me is that I need to start using my strength for good. I am so stuck in the rut of believing that it’s easier to hate that there are days when I don’t know if there is any other way. I feel like the negative thoughts come in an avalanche. The faster I envision the thoughts floating away, the faster they come.
Maybe I need more acceptance. Not acceptance that this will always be the way, because I know that it isn’t true, but acceptance that these thoughts will come. Acceptance that the thoughts will come, but the knowledge that they don’t have to have the power that I give them.
My mind is my strongest asset. I know that, and I have known it for a long time. However I think that it is time that I realise that I don’t have to use that strength negatively. I can use that power to build myself up. I can make the strength my ally instead of my enemy.