Last week I read this post about justification. It really struck a cord with me and rather than leave the poor woman with a giant novel of a comment I decided to nut my thoughts out here. To give a little background on the post, she noticed that people are finding they have to justify their decisions on social media.
I justify my parenting decisions, a lot. I do it without even thinking about it. Some people must wonder what on earth I am on about when I start rattling off the reasons that I have made the decision that I have. This justification goes from the small things (like toast for dinner) all the way to the big stuff (like our decision to start melatonin). There is no middle ground.
The thing that worries me the most about this justification is that I find myself doing it to complete strangers. I spew out words about why I made a choice, as if it is any of their business anyway. I chastise myself afterwards, upset with myself that I once again failed to show conviction behind my choices.
Justification isn’t just said out loud to peole I am talking to. My inner dialogue is often one big stream of justification. It’s almost like I am waiting to get caught, waiting to have to explain my actions to someone, even when I am alone. It can be 3am and I’m getting a drink of water, still the justification dialogue is going. Who is going to stop me, really?
I know that this justification, in its extreme isn’t logical. I know that most people couldn’t give two shits about what other people are doing. I know that strangers opinions, hell anyone not walking in my shoes, don’t matter in the long run. I know all of these things and yet here I am, justifying everything.
This justification dialogue no doubt has a lot to do with my anxiety, my fear of failing. I want to show that I am ok, that I am good. I aim to please and feel rejected when my justifications aren’t enough.
Do you find yourself justifying your actions to those you encounter?