She woke from a deep sleep, the light blinding her as she struggled to sit up. Every part of her body ached. She struggled to remember what had happened last night and how she got home.
She closed her eyes against the light and reached out her hand, lazily searching for her phone to check the damage, see what embarrassing messages she had sent, or phone calls she had made. Her hand reached the edge of the bed almost immediately. That’s strange she thought, I must be on the other side of the bed. She rolled over slowly and stretched out her arm. Her arm fell heavily off the edge.
She sat up quickly, feeling the blood rushing from head and looked around the room. Her tired eyes took in the surroundings, confusion clouding her brain. The room swam as her head started to pound. Where was she, how did she get here? The room felt clinical but lacked the medical equipment she expected to see. There was a curtain pulled around her bed and she could hear muffled voices in the distance.
She attempted to lift the blanket from her legs but a shooting pain traveled up her arms. Her gaze shifted to her arms and she found they were bandaged. She ran through the events of the night before, struggling to remember all of the details, black spots appeared in her story. She shook her head, as if the action would clear her memory blockage and give her the answers she needed.
Footsteps were moving towards her room and she laid down, covering herself with the blanket, unsure who would present themselves to her. A young man pulled back the curtain ever so slightly and poked her head in. ‘Ah you are finally awake,’ the young man said to the girl in the bed.
So many questions whirled through her head, where am I, how did I get here, what is happening. She couldn’t articulate any of them, choosing instead to shrink below the covers further, like a child trying to avoid going to school. ‘Do you know where you are?’ he said. She shook her head slowly, afraid that her voice no longer worked. ‘You’re in hospital, you were brought into Emergency last night before being transferred here’, he said gently, noticing her reluctant body language.
She looked at him confused, nothing added up, all of her memories were clouded. ‘You were in a pretty bad way when you were admitted. We had to sedate you, which is why you will be feeling a little fragile’. he said softly, a friendly smile starting to appear. She shook her head, unable to believe what he was saying, she doesn’t remember drinking that much last night.
The memory hit her like a ton of bricks falling from the sky. She suddenly remembered what had happened, shame spreading through her body. She ran her right hand over the bandages that covered her left arm, felt the stitches that lay beneath the layers. It all became clear and she knew where she was, a feel of resignation biting at her heels. She promised she would never be here again, she had her shit together.
The man looked at her with care in his eyes, asking if there was anything she needed. She shook her head, burrowing deeper under the covers, attempting to make herself small. This was the last place she wanted to be, the last place she had time to be right now. She started to run through what she would say to the Dr, promises of this is the last time, assurances that she would utilise the crisis line, anything to get out.
She didn’t care what they wanted for her, she just wanted to be at home, in her own space. A space with no restrictions and where she felt comfortable. Her own bed, a hot shower, meals that didn’t resemble slop. She longed to feel the sunshine on her face and the grass beneath her feet. Nature centered her, made her feel like she had a purpose.
The day she was released, the first thing she did was go to the beach and put her feet in the water. She made promises to the ocean, promises she intended to keep, promises that were for her. She lay back in the sand, taking in the blue sky, happy that her life finally meant more than hurt and heartbreak.
Linking up with Jess for IBOT