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It’s raining here today.  I hate the rain.  The rain doesn’t bring me joy.  It makes me want to curl up in a ball…at least more than usual.  The rain makes me hate the makes me edgy and irritable.

I started a new has taken me from despair to flat.  It’s an improvement for now.  I’m sleeping but feeling no effects.  Devil Spawn seems to be sleeping better, so I am not having interrupted sleep patterns..and still I feel like sleeping all of the time.  My iron is probably ridiculously low again..I start the supplements and then fell worse..I feel like I cannot win.

The television has become my babysitter. I know I can do better.  I know he deserves better.  I just can’t bring myself to do it.  It’s easier to hide and pretend it doesn’t exist.  To ignore the signs, the hole I am digger myself into, is easier, not better, but easier than making an effort.

I’m doing things behind the scenes..making little steps when I can.  I utilise the energy when it comes, laying off when it doesn’t.  Getting rid of the shoulda, woulda, coulda.  Taking each day as it comes instead of worrying that not everyday is a step in the right direction.  I realise that some days it is one step forward, two steps back and that’s ok because tomorrow is another day. It’s another chance to get it right, another do over.  I’m not perfect and I don’t pretend to be.  I’m doing the best that I can and that is OK

7 thoughts on “Clusterfuck

  1. Oculus Mundi

    The difference between you using the TV for a babysitter and everyone else doing it from time to time, is that you admit it.

    Hoping you will feel better soon.

  2. Ness

    Getting rid of the shouda, coulda, woulda sounds briliant, and is something I need to do, myself. You are doing your best and that really is okay. Hugs. xo

    1. Musings of the Misguided Post author

      Getting rid of the shoulda coulda woulda is the hardest thing I have had to do because it is so easy to fall back onto them when you aren’t feeling 100%

  3. Sarah@Slapdash Mama

    EVerybody uses Peppa Pig to watch over their sprogs sometimes. I did it for months when preggers with B, I was so sick and exhausted xxxxxxx
    Thinking of you


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