Up to my ears in shit and piss

Welcome again to the weekly fuck you that is FFS Friday.  I really love writing this post because it gives me an excuse to be a great big whinger.  Oh and I can’t forge that it also gives me the chance to laugh at others expense!
I decided to be all resourceful and do a meal plan. You know to save money and shit.  Every time I decide to do that, I then decide that cooking is for losers and don’t feel like making all of the things that I have meal planned.  I’m sure it’s my inner rebel trying to make a last ditch fight for freedom.  All I know is that I still have a fridge full of food that I mostly haven’t used. FFS
This week we started Toilet Training with Devil Spawn.  The first couple of days were good and I was feeling positive.  Devil Spawn obviously cottoned on that this shit was for keeps and decided on Sunday that he just didn’t want to do it anymore.  I asked him to go to the toilet and his response was ‘I did, the floor is toilet’.  Cue me telling him no he was a big boy and he needed to do his wee in the toilet.  His response: ‘I not a big boy, I a dinosaur grrr’. Sorry buddy but even Dinosaurs have to use the bathroom in this house FFS
Devil Spawn goes to Daycare on Monday and Tuesdays so I can go sleep and lunch with the ladies.  Monday I took him in his little jocks (seriously how damn cute are little jocks) and let the girls know that he was toilet training.  I was pretty apprehensive after our dinosour episode the day before but I figured they were trained and shit so should be able to handle it.  I got there in the afternoon and he had no accidents! No FFS
Tuesday however was a different story.  I got to daycare and he’d had two accidents (not too bad for a guy just getting the gist of this toilet business) and they had put a nappy on him.  He still had a bag full of jocks and shorts so I have no idea why he was in a nappy. It kind of defeats the purpose of him learning and they were adamant they would be happy to have him toilet train. A little consistency would be nice FFS
Devil Spawn now has new ammo to add to his reportoire of sleep dodging techniques.  Coming out and telling me he needs to do a wee wee.  I can’t very well tell him to just do it in his nappy because well that defeats the purpose and the crafty little bugger knows it.  So off with the pyjamas and nappy and sitting on the toilet while he fucks around wasting precious time that I could be spending on Facebook and eating things I’ve been hiding from him all day so I don’t have to share FFS.
The first 3 days of toilet training were spent with me telling Dyllan that his penis going in the toilet not pointing up.  So he would then ask me what I meant complete with actions.  This would then result in piss going everywhere and Devil Spawn acting like a giggling school girl FFS
Tuesday night I got all excited when Devil Spawn did a number 2 on the toilet.  I got all excited right up to the point when I walked into the bathroom.  Devil Spawn had decided to get all resourceful and wipe his own arse. With my towel FFS
That’s my week of whinging in a nutshell.  What’s pissed you off this week? Let me know in the comments. For some comedic relief head over to Dear Baby G to read everyone’s additions to FFS Friday.

5 thoughts on “Up to my ears in shit and piss

  1. Parental Parody

    OMG, I was so freaking excited when I read your title. You did not disappoint.

    My kids are extending bed time – I’m sure it’s because they know I bust out the good shit once they’re in bed. Tim Tams instead of Milk Arrowroot, chocolate instead of apples, vodka instead of water – all of that.

    I’m a meal planner convert. Glowless made me do it by telling me I could save enough money to drink bottled wine instead of cask wine. And she was right. Only I still drink cask wine, I just have lots more of it. It was a pain in the arse to get used to, but now I’m all over that shit – a whole month in advance. My glass is never empty now…

  2. GlossQueen

    OMG, so funny!

    I’m never organised enough to do a meal plan. My meal plan is look in the fridge and jumble together whatever I find in there. Works for me.

    C has decided that he too likes to wee and poo on the floor, I can only imagine how much worse it’ll get when he is toilet training.


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