Yesterday I took the Mini Man to the Child Health Nurse for his 2 year old check up. It was all about me and my inability to cope with the everyday of having a toddler. Of having the Mini Man. I was so worried about how I was going to say it, how I was going to word it and have it come out how I wanted it to. All I did was blurt out ‘I can’t do this anymore’.
It’s good when you have a health worker who has kids and understand that sometimes it’s fucking hard y’all and it’s not always rainbows and fucking butterflies.
I got a referral to a social worker, who I need to be equally honest with. I need to tell them about my disconnection with Dyllan. Is it permanent, just a part of my mental illness or something else entirely? I just feel that most of my actions towards Dyllan are an act. That I’m doing what I feel that I ‘should’ do rather than actually feeling anything. Surely this isn’t normal. He’s a good kid. I don’t want him growing up and hating me (well more than the average teenager hates their parent anyway).