How do you tell a ‘professional’ that you aren’t really sure if you like your child.
That you aren’t sure if what you feel for him is real or just an act.
How do you say that you regularly tell him to go away and leave you the fuck alone.
That you just want to lock yourself in your bedroom every single day and pretend that everything outside your room doesn’t exist.
That you are feeling a real resentment towards him but you have no fucking idea why.
Part of me really wants to say all this out loud but I really don’t think that I can. As much as these feelings bubble up to the surface, I can’t lose him.
Maybe I just can’t do this any more. Maybe I’m at the end of my tether. Maybe I’m just fucked.